I don’t think it’s possible to have it all because what is all? What makes someone happy. And even if it makes you happy how long will the happiness last? Happiness is a word that people use when they aren’t stressed. No one could be happy because happiness means. Contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. How can someone be satisfied with anything? If you’re in love and you trust the person and there is no doubts how can you be happy when no matter how much you love them and they love you that they could die? How could you want to take that risk. Any moment your life could change so why put all the emphasis in being happy when in a spilt second you could be upset, sad, depressed and can’t even remember the feeling.. The happy feeling. If there is any.

It’s humanly impossible to be satisfied because we always want more.. I think the only thing that everyone in the whole wide world has in common is that we all want to be free. Free to love who we want, free to be excepted, free to do and say whatever we feel is necessary and just to feel like this all we come to a end.. A happy ending.

When we grow up Disney gives us the story tale that even through everything to have hope and you will end up with prince charming and life will be everything you wished it would. But I think Disney’s stories are only half way through. You might end up with your prince and all the horrible things seem to fade away but it doesn’t show you that the prince gets sick and dies and that all the things in the past never seem to fade completely away. They fade and the become like memories of weird dreams you had but they never leave you.

Have you ever felt so empty that you felt like you weren’t even moving, breathing and whatever you said seemed like you were just thinking it. Heaven looks a lot brighter from hell.

I feeling that what is wanted can be had. That what hope means.. So does that mean that if you wish and have hope that you will get that person back you will? That the person that gave you the strength to take on the world. And win! The person you’d get up in the morning for! Breath for.. smile for and believe for. The only reason you could fly was because they would catch you if you fell. But when there not there you fall so hard you feel like you never get up. And even if you can you don’t want to. You just want to lie there and never be bothered again until they come back to get you. They say let someone fly away and if it’s meant to be they will come back. But you can’t let them fly, because without them who are you. No one they make you who you are. They complete you.

Why did you brake it?

You smashed it into pieces

I gave it to you to love

Why did you hurt me

I thought you were from up above

You were the only one

That made my heart beat

And now your gone

With someone else’s heart to keep

Thanks for leaving me all alone

I thought we were meant to be

But you left me

And now I have only me

 You are so much stronger than I could ever be

It was another normal Wednesday I left school early as usual, my best friend picked me up because he never went to work either. We just used to drive around anywhere and everywhere, we always had enough money to fuel our trips. We picked up some of our mates and started consuming alcohol as the random driving continued. Then a light blub “lets drive up to sky high” which was a look out point of Melbourne up in the hills. No hesitation we made a quick u turn and we were on our way.

As I open my eyes a daze of confusion as all I can see if my mum, she looks so tired but as soon as her tired eyes catch mine she is already standing over me now her tired eyes have been filled with tears.

I wake again and my mum is still there but in different clothes but still with her tired eyes. I find enough strength to speak “where am I”. My mum voice calms me as if I was a child again, “Your in the hospital, you have been in a car accident”.

I open my eyes again as I begin to get confused and frustrated with my sense of time. My mum isn’t there now but there is a man with a folder and a solid thinking look across his face. He’s eyes catch mine as I see him get ready to speak. “Hello Jessica, how are you” I nod my head as the tiredness hits me again. “You have been involved in a motor car accident and have sustained multiple injuries”.

I did a good job, as I always say if your going to do something do it properly. I had broken my pelvis (pubic ramus) so I was immobilised to a wheelchair, I had broken my clavicle and hit my head so hard that had been diagnosed with brain injury along with Post Traumatic Amnesia.

But was everyone else alright. I hadn’t even thought about anyone else yet. My mind was going a million miles an hour. I fall asleep again, strangely enough I wasn’t in any pain but I was so tired my eyes couldn’t deal with this so they closed themselves I couldn’t fight it.

A while later they decide to awaken me as a I focus on the reality that I may never walk again, my eyes than catch the driver. He is standing in front of me all I can see is he’s guilty eyes, he hasn’t looked at me yet I don’t think he can. As my sympathetic eyes look upon him he finally looks at me as my mum brings a tray over suggesting me to eat a shake me head and look at the driver once again. He walks over to me still with his guilty eyes as he says “ I’m sorry” I reach my non broken arm to touch his eyes. To heal them to make them happy eyes again but instead they turn into sad eyes occupied with tears.

I find strength again and finally ask how everyone else is, the boy behind me broke his collar bone but other than that I was the real concern.

Two weeks pass and my eyes become stronger as I know every detail in my room. My mum’s eyes aren’t tired eyes anymore they have turned into supportive eyes because she has gotten strength to.

Then the thing I hadn’t been waiting for but the doctors wouldn’t allow, the thing that would make me eyes strong and happy again, would give them strength to still want to look upon the world again without any pain or doubt.

They walked in the door, the eyes that had so much love in them for my eyes, the eyes that gave me hope that made me feel like I could have got up and given them a big hug.

My boyfriend had beautiful brown eyes with a tint of green in them that you could only see if the sun was in his eyes, I could always see it though, in my mind in my dreams and in my eyes. His eyes made my heart beat so fast, made me heal quicker made everything seem ok again.

He walked over and gave me a kiss and for a second I wasn’t broken anymore, I was healed, I could feel my legs I could walk again. Then at the same time I could feel every bruise every brake every cut all over my body and my happy eyes turned sad.

Days later I was transported to Victorian Rehabilitation in Glen waverly, they were going to be the people that made me, me again.

 On the way there I taught my self to use my eyes instead of legs, I studied every building, every tree and with my new eyes I had seen everything they were the only thing that wasn’t broken or bruised.

When the wheeled my in, I saw so much pain in so many people’s eyes that I had to shut my new eyes I didn’t want to be here around all this pain.

A few weeks later as I became stronger as I was closed to walking again my dad came in to see me. He had nothing in his eyes no love, nothing.

I met some incredible people in there that had lost everything, and they were still living, breathing and trying to make sense of this all.

I began walking within a few months as I departed from Rehab and finally came home.

My eyes are the only thing that will remember every feeling, every sound; they will remember what everything looked like. My eyes are me and they give me strength, the were always looking up no matter how low I was.

I think sometimes we are in the wrong line. Sometimes we feel like we are waiting for something that we don't even want. The thing that we want we are just to scared to line up for.

Maybe to scared to realise its the line we need to be in, or just that we don't want other people seeing us in that line.

Fear overwhelms us, it soaks us all, fear of people really knowing who you are.
And when you find that person who you wait for, or who even stands in the line with you and just before your at the front. They leave you, all that time you waited and let everyone see your self standing thre out for the world. And you just get crushed and infront of everyone. Like everyone knew it was going to happen but you. That they were just standing in the line to watch, they weren't even really there for you.. Just to watch

So do we line up again or do we watch other line up..

I don't know how to start all this so i will just say whats on my mind.

The two smartest things i have every been told was

You can never trust anyone.. not even yourself.

And no one can expect what someone else will do, or themselves before it happens.

I have some horrible experiences but good ones have made the bad ones seem needed. You can't go through life without love,betrayal,grief,joy,deception, happiness because without them why bother. You need the bad times to remind you how good the good things are lol and when things get better you remember who and what got you better so when it happens again you have some sort of idea how to get out of it.